I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize