i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
