Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
