what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
