I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
