i permit you to call me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
