I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
