it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
