why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
