I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
