people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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