my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
