It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
