He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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