She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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