I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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