$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the day after is always just damage control
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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