Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
