I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How external is "for external use only"?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
