walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
