It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
