At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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