My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
