remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
