well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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