So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
