...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i will never coherently bang her
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
