I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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