I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
