Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize