I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
why do cheetos always look like penises
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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