Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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