So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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