Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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