I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
