I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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