So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
