I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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