Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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