remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I am morally bankrupt
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
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this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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