I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
