M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
