Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
