dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
