He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
a search helicopter?!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
