Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
