then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
