Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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