All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
