clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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