Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
