my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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