i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
