Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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