Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
