Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
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he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
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Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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