Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
