Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
