What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
