omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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