omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
