Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
