How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
