we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
