no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
