I wanna bring you to show and tell
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
