I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
