we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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