this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
