i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
