Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
