we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
