Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
