OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My vagina just recognized that song.
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when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize