You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
